There Will Be Goats: The Scorpion Rules Review


“If you want to rule, you must give one of your children as hostage”

So i’d heard about this book from a few people. i’d been following the author awhile on twitter and i finally saw my chance to grab this one…I had my mother get it for me as a birthday gift. So hurray for book gifts.

The above quote was taken from the blurb at the back of the book. Basic premise of the story.

Nice, right so i started reading and I had zero idea what to really expect from this one but WOW…boy do more people need to read this one and flail about it because this book was so surprisingly amaziiing…like what the heck?? Why are more people not talking about it?

The events are told from The POV of Princess Greta and that was an excellent choice because i loved everything about being in Greta’s head and seeing  everything unfold through her eyes.

So what’s this about the goats then?? Listen, the goats are characters in their own right…you just have to read it to see why ok?


“Like our goats he seemed vaguely to be Planning Something”

I cracked up at that line. Here Greta is referring to Elian…the newest hostage to join the Children of Peace and Elian is just TROUBLE…with all caps…flashing lights…the works. So naturally i loved his character.

Also the bits of world building are just explored in such a natural way, no info dumps…just blending in seamlessly within the story.

Notable things:

  • the goats duh
  • the Utterances: these are quotes that are littered throughout. quotes from the AI Talis. and they are just so funny? Exhibit A, this: “I’m not a cruel man, Talis is recorded as saying. Only rarely is the next bit quoted: I mean technically I’m not a man at all
  • the relationships. i love how they unfold. alsooo girls kissiiiiiiiing 😀   🙂
  • the robot spiders omg *shudders*
  • chapter 21: “Goats–the shapers of history” yes again with the goats. no for reals the goats you guys !!
  • Talis. yeah..Talis is :/ and :O

“Oh, you know. Trying out a body, staving off the boredom, wiping out a city…My name is Talis. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?” 

I’m not even gonna go into Talis’ entrance or  very existence too much because you need to experience it for yourself!! And trust me…Talis is an experience. Talis is also scary and doesn’t let anyone forget that O_o

That ending? My heart…my feels…i’m drowning in alll the emotions!


Luckily the sequel, The Swan Riders is out next week!!

Meanwhile: 5/5 goats (what did you think i’d use stars after i gushed so much about the goats? come one :P) for The Scorpion Rules





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